I’m writing this from seat 32D. In 2014 airports were my second home, so I suppose it is quite fitting that I’m crammed in the back of the plane in coach class on a cross-country flight as I write this letter to you. 2014 was both an exhausting and an exhilarating year, and because of that, I wasn’t quite ready to write my annual letter to you until today. It’s taken me a full week to figure out what the heck my new year’s resolution is because my future feels so uncertain. Yet this morning, in the pre-dawn hours when I was climbing into my car to drive to the airport, I looked up at the brilliantly bright almost-full moon (it was full two days ago) and was hit by a resounding sense that everything is as it should be. It always is, but I often forget that.
My new year’s resolution for 2014 was to Get Uncomfortable. Indeed I did. The year was an absolute whirlwind, from unexpectedly having to move, to dealing with the excruciating pain of passing a kidney stone and needing kidney stone surgery, to learning to efficiently live out of a suitcase, to my career catapulting in a direction that I wasn’t sure I wanted it to go. With considerable effort at first, I embraced it all. I got out of my comfort zone and found myself incredibly, well, uncomfortable. And that’s when the year started getting fun. Actually more than fun – at one point I realized that with respect to work, my soul is singing again, finally, after a really long time of struggling to figure out that part of my life. I’ve known for quite some time that my passion is storytelling. Not necessarily my own story, but other people’s stories. Although I’ve made a career in feature film production, I always found very little joy in making narrative films and was pretty sure I wanted to leave movie-making behind me. Yet in 2014 I started the work of producing and directing two documentary films and I realized the rewards of telling other people’s real life stories go far beyond a paycheck.
This is the most important work of my life, and I want it to continue. Yet as the documentaries near completion, I’ve started to worry about what comes next. Will I hit a dry spell? Will my next project be less rewarding? Will the company for whom I’m producing one of the documentaries want to keep working with me as much as I want to keep working with them?
That’s where this morning’s almost-full moon comes in. When I was looking up at that marvelous moon shining down on me, it seemed to say “Hey girl, you got this. Everything is as it should be.” I smiled to myself. I knew in that moment what my new year’s resolution needs to be.
So this year, my sweet, dear, potentially delicious Year 2015, my New Year’s resolution is to Trust. Trust that I’m in the flow. Trust that I’ll stay in the flow. Trust that everything is as it should be.
Year 2015, I think I love you already.